Posted 09 April 2005 - 03:05 PM
Family Memo To The Dog and Cat:
>>
>> 1. When I say move, it means go someplace else. It does not mean switch
>> positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way.
>>
>> 2. The dishes on the floor are yours and contain your food. All other
>> dishes are mine and contain my food. (Please note: placing a paw print in
>> the middle of my dinner does not stake your claim on it, nor do I find it
>> aesthetically pleasing in any way.)
>>
>> 3. The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.
> Beating
>> me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I
> fall
>> faster than you can run.
>>
>> 4. I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. Locate your inner
>> beast and remember that sleeping animals can actually curl up in a ball,
> so
>> it is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out
>> to
>> the fullest extent possible.
>>
>> 5. My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.
>>
>> 6. For the last time, humans like to use the bathroom alone. If by some
>> miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it won't help
>> to
>> claw, whine, meow, bite the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try
> to
>> pull the door open. (Trust
>> me, I have been using the bathroom for years...canine or feline
>> attendance
>> is not mandatory.)
>>
>> 7. When you see me asleep on the couch, it is not funny to make a
>> sudden
>> leap onto my stomach and drop a chew toy, bone or jingle ball on my
> crotch,
>> no matter how much that makes other family members laugh.
>>
>> 8. Dog: Don't think for a minute that making a sad face and whimpering
>> pathetically will get you out of trouble when I find a puddle of pee on
> the
>> carpet. The face and the whimpering only validate that you knew it was
> wrong
>> when you did it.
>>
>> 9. Cat: My sitting down to bite into a juicy sandwich is not a signal
> for
>> you to begin gagging loudly and then hocking up the most disgusting
> hairball
>> in history.
>>
>> 10. Dog and Cat: The proper order is kiss me, then go lick yourself. I
>> cannot stress this enough. To pacify you I have posted the following
>> message on our front door: