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Cat Shoots Owner With 9mm Handgun!

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I NEVER DID TRUST THAT CAT. http://www.machinegunbooks.com/forums/invboard1_1_2/upload/html/emoticons/unsure.gif http://www.machinegunbooks.com/forums/invboard1_1_2/upload/html/emoticons/blink.gif MAYBE THEY SHOULD BE REGISTERED OR BANNED!! http://www.machinegunbooks.com/forums/invboard1_1_2/upload/html/emoticons/laugh.gif http://www.machinegunbooks.com/forums/invboard1_1_2/upload/html/emoticons/laugh.gif

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You gotta love those Youpers.


Heard they have been sighting BIG cats up there lately, maybe this is one of them! http://www.machinegunbooks.com/forums/invboard1_1_2/upload/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif

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"Officer, I tell you, it wasn't me," said the nice kitty.

"Well, what can you tell me? I need names!" quoth the lawman.

"Maybe my cousin, up there in that window, can tell you something. He's always going on and on about there being so many humans and so little time. Then he meows in a very funny tone," replied kitty.

"Alright, freeze scumbag!"



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Was the cat's name Toonzes? He was arrested for a drive-by shooting, but they couldn't get a conviction. I wonder if Feinstein will petition cats to be banned.
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His owner probably tried this:



Or your cat. Works both ways.


1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of

pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.

2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him

towards the bathroom.

3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet

and close both lids. You may need to stand on the


4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds.

Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the

cat is actually enjoying this.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This

provides a "power-wash" and rinse".

6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be

sure that there are no people between the bathroom and

the front door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and

quickly lift both lids.

8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak

through the bathroom, and run outside where he will

dry himself off.

9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling




The Dog


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http://www.machinegunbooks.com/forums/invboard1_1_2/upload/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif http://www.machinegunbooks.com/forums/invboard1_1_2/upload/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif http://www.machinegunbooks.com/forums/invboard1_1_2/upload/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif http://www.machinegunbooks.com/forums/invboard1_1_2/upload/html/emoticons/laugh.gif
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ACARLG, that is laugh-out-loud funny as hell!!! http://www.machinegunbooks.com/forums/invboard1_1_2/upload/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif http://www.machinegunbooks.com/forums/invboard1_1_2/upload/html/emoticons/laugh.gif http://www.machinegunbooks.com/forums/invboard1_1_2/upload/html/emoticons/laugh.gif http://www.machinegunbooks.com/forums/invboard1_1_2/upload/html/emoticons/laugh.gif
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Poprivit, they also now come in tender bite-size morsels, but they can have the adverse side-effect of coughing, wheezing and occassional furballs! http://www.machinegunbooks.com/forums/invboard1_1_2/upload/html/emoticons/blink.gif http://www.machinegunbooks.com/forums/invboard1_1_2/upload/html/emoticons/laugh.gif



They're great in hot chocolate too! http://www.machinegunbooks.com/forums/invboard1_1_2/upload/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif http://www.machinegunbooks.com/forums/invboard1_1_2/upload/html/emoticons/laugh.gif



The critters don't seem too concerned, because...well, they're on...catnip!



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  • 4 weeks later...

Family Memo To The Dog and Cat:


>> 1. When I say move, it means go someplace else. It does not mean switch

>> positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way.


>> 2. The dishes on the floor are yours and contain your food. All other

>> dishes are mine and contain my food. (Please note: placing a paw print in

>> the middle of my dinner does not stake your claim on it, nor do I find it

>> aesthetically pleasing in any way.)


>> 3. The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.

> Beating

>> me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I

> fall

>> faster than you can run.


>> 4. I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. Locate your inner

>> beast and remember that sleeping animals can actually curl up in a ball,

> so

>> it is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out

>> to

>> the fullest extent possible.


>> 5. My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.


>> 6. For the last time, humans like to use the bathroom alone. If by some

>> miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it won't help

>> to

>> claw, whine, meow, bite the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try

> to

>> pull the door open. (Trust

>> me, I have been using the bathroom for years...canine or feline

>> attendance

>> is not mandatory.)


>> 7. When you see me asleep on the couch, it is not funny to make a

>> sudden

>> leap onto my stomach and drop a chew toy, bone or jingle ball on my

> crotch,

>> no matter how much that makes other family members laugh.


>> 8. Dog: Don't think for a minute that making a sad face and whimpering

>> pathetically will get you out of trouble when I find a puddle of pee on

> the

>> carpet. The face and the whimpering only validate that you knew it was

> wrong

>> when you did it.


>> 9. Cat: My sitting down to bite into a juicy sandwich is not a signal

> for

>> you to begin gagging loudly and then hocking up the most disgusting

> hairball

>> in history.


>> 10. Dog and Cat: The proper order is kiss me, then go lick yourself. I

>> cannot stress this enough. To pacify you I have posted the following

>> message on our front door:


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